Other ways to say you're hungover

• I'm not in the best shape today


• I feel like fuck


• Blargh


• I feel like marginal fuck


• My head feels like fuck


• My stomach feels like fuck


• Fuck me


• Fuck fucking fuck goddamn son of a mother fuck


• I drank too much last night, I won't be up to par


• I drank too much last night, I won't be up to the normal not feeling like fuck

A written translation of what i'm thinking...

................................................................................
................................................................................
..............................................................thatwasabadidea...
........................................................................kermitth
efrog...........................................................................
................................ooooooomacandcheese............................
.............ismellbad..........................................................
................................................................................
............................................................ohshitthatguysbeental
kingtomeforfiveminutesnow.......................................................
................................................................................
................................................................................
waitwhatdidhesayiwaszoningout...................................................
..........................................................macandcheese?.........
................................................................................
................................................................................
.....mattleblancisgreat.

That is my brain after drinking.

Things that make you hungover

A common misconception is that hangovers can only occur after drinking alcohol. This is of course untrue. There are several other things that can cause hangovers.

Getting punched really fucking hard in the head- After experiencing this you will normally have a throbbing headache and the inability to achieve anything worthwhile the next day. I'd liken it to a Rum hangover... unless you get punched by Rowdy Roddy Piper, then it feels like scotch.

Watching an Adam Sandler film from the middle of his career- Normally when you watch an early Sandler flick you feel joy, and you feel content watching some of his more recent films. But if you sit down and watch WaterBoy or Little Nicky you will feel like simultaneously vomiting and shitting everywhere, and your life will feel completely meaningless.

Heroin- Actually not sure if this causes a hangover... but really how could it not?

Dying- Normally when you're dying you experience the same feelings you do when you're hungover. They're basically the same thing, except with a hangover you get over it to do it again. With death your dead. Unless your a cat. Then you have eight more chances.

The symptoms

Let's be real. I'm writing this blog right now because that's about the only thing that I can think about right now.

So let me explain in detail exactly what I am going through... some of these symptoms apply only to me I've been told... but I'm pretty sure everyone feels these things, they just won't admit it:

• Throbbing head


• Upset Stomach


• Ability to only think of teen movies from the Eighties


• Slightly blurred vision


• An absurdly maternal attachment to the character Odie from Garfield


• Desire to only eat Macaroni and Cheese for four days


• Mild sinus clogging


• Face oddly resembling Nick Nolte


• A complete inability to look at the color violet


• Fleeting fascination with Matt LeBlanc

All these symptoms lead to one conclusion... hangover.